Continually it seems that I always reach a point of disapointment in myself, who I am, and what I live for. At one point I commit my life to Christ, setting my hopes and self in him, knowing that he is the true way, the true life, and the true Saviour of the world. Yet how I keep shutting him out to pursue my own earthly desires, to pursue a life of sin, a life of seperation from God, thinking that it is better, more worth it, throwing God into a dark pit of dirt and burrying him whole.
I’m in a continual battle against myself, trying to destroy the sin that engulfs my human flesh, hoping that some light can come back into me. How do I escape this life of hypocrisy? I hear from different people about the great miracles God has done in their life, healiing the sick, providing a job, pouring out blessings of which we cant even comprehend, yet it is almost as if I reject what is said and do my own thing. I experience times where I know God has interveined to put me where I’m at, times when I know God was just in that moment or that God has put me through this hard day for a reason, yet I turn from him and hide.
Oh God, save my soul, destroy my flesh, and may I take refuge in You alone.
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